I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
