If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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