john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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