Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
