How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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