laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
