i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
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I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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