what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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