2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
