you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
