Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
