there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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