I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Too much gin, very little bucket
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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