The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
