wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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