I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
