Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
