When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize