That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
