Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
