She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
