I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
