HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
