I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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