M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
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Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat