if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?