Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
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Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Yup. One sock.