Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
