Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...

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  (410): To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor... http://tfl.nu/oppe
  Replies (3) Good night (1027) Bad night (443)
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  (619): View more from California

  I want to have your abortion

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  (619): I want to have your abortion http://tfl.nu/1oyo
  Replies (29) Good night (865) Bad night (1441)
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  (718): View more from New York

  i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite

  (917): View more from New York City

  get a pic

  (718): View more from New York

  i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that

  (917): View more from New York City

  i want ur life

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  (718): i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite (917): get a pic (718): i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that (917): i want ur life http://tfl.nu/sg3n
  Replies (25) Good night (2546) Bad night (480)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?

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  (620): Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair? http://tfl.nu/bhha
  Replies (42) Good night (3249) Bad night (778)
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  (909): View more from California

  It must have been true love

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other

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  (909): It must have been true love (604): I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other http://tfl.nu/pjnl
  Replies (20) Good night (2829) Bad night (1212)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system

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  (516): Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system http://tfl.nu/i7jp
  Replies (18) Good night (4896) Bad night (816)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.

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  (724): It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution. http://tfl.nu/mzdu
  Replies (0) Good night (755) Bad night (2462)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again

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  (615): He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again http://tfl.nu/8kvi
  Replies (7) Good night (2078) Bad night (725)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."

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  (703): You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial." http://tfl.nu/ubhg
  Replies (3) Good night (1564) Bad night (738)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?

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  (401): he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid? http://tfl.nu/msiw
  Replies (8) Good night (2046) Bad night (636)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.

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  (330): She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager. http://tfl.nu/suup
  Replies (5) Good night (1268) Bad night (607)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?

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  (607): I drank butter last night, who am I to judge? http://tfl.nu/jfzo
  Replies (3) Good night (435) Bad night (837)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..

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  (217): The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car.. http://tfl.nu/pl9j
  Replies (7) Good night (664) Bad night (1102)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.

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  (860): I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green. (860): Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green. http://tfl.nu/a7td
  Replies (2) Good night (400) Bad night (511)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.

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  (316): You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off. http://tfl.nu/rf92
  Replies (4) Good night (314) Bad night (729)

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