you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.