My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.