fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
whose parrot is this?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone