My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
did you just send me my own nude
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
