Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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