i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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