Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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