He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
