i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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