i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
