i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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