i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
