I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
When are your genitals available?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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