Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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