im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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