i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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