Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
