the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
