Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
