i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
