I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
