and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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