Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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