Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
