Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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