Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
