You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
