I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just found puke in my bra..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
