My first STD was from a foam party
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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