I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize