Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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