u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
