I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
