And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
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I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
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I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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