No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
