so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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