Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
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They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
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never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize