"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
