I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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