Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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