She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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