He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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