If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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