Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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