I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Farmville is her only friend.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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