6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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