How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
