I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
