did you get engaged???
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
