They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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