I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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