Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
