Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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