nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
