Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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