I got chris browned last night
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
