I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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