so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
