its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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