a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
