sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
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You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
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I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just puked most of my soul out..
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