She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
