I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
