Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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