Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
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Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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