i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
